Friday, 14 May 2010

Friday Afternoon Gushiness (Because it's my blog and I can. So there.)

Living is great.  And it’s a bitch.  There are times when we soar above it all, in love with the world, our friends, our family, our car, our jobs and our ability to twirl.  When everything seems to be going just right and the right words come to us at  just the right time and the right person touches our arm in just that right spot and OMG everything is so… right.

And we’re full of energy and we just want to take on the world and make it submit to our desires and will.  None of this compromise stuff.  Take the bull by the horns or the horns by the bull or whatever it is you want to do at that exact moment because it’s your moment, and no one else’s, and that’s just magical.  We love life, and it loves us.

Then there are those other times.  You know, the times the walls close in on us.  We’re scared, and alone, and angry, and bored, and we just wish we were somewhere else, or someone else, and reboots or undos existed on this plane as well.  When our hearts feel like they’ll never heal, or our hopes never be reborn, and let’s not even speak of dreams – when did we ever have those?

We shrivel up inside and we put on a brave face to get through the day, just one more day, one foot in front of the other, just… keep going.  One step, waiting for that dawn to break, forgetting what the heck it looks like, and who said it broke when it was darkest, because it’s damn dark and I don’t see any dawn breaking.  We hate life, and it hates us.

And isn’t it all so amazing?  When you really think about it?   I mean, imagine the breadth of your life.  All of those moments that forged you, whether you want to admit it or not.  That’s your landscape, right there.That's you.

Remember when you were elated (or confused/disappointed) by that first kiss?  The first time you accomplished one of your goals, not your parents or teachers’ goals?  Or the tenth time you did, and still felt just as great?  Or the fifteenth time you broke up (if it’s with the same person, get a clue), and it hurt just as much when you’re thirty as it did when you were eighteen?   That time you laughed so hard it echoed within the hollowness of your own being until the laughter turned to bitter sobs?  (Or maybe that's just me.)  The first time you were told you were beautiful and actually believed it?

Isn’t it all so wonderfully introspective?

I’m definitely having one of those days. I think it was triggered by the discovery of soy chai lattes at Second Cup.  It’s out of this world, really.  I’m in love with it, and I’m having a hard time containing my love, and since I’m not currently in a situation where I can (or should) hug the people around me, I’m retreating into memories.   Both the good and the bad, and I love it all right now.

I’m thinking back on the people who made this life great, and who continue to make it great, whether they’re still there or not, and I’m falling in love with them all over again, and with everything in my life, not just the wonderful people - my laptop, my cats, my bed and my new couch, the curtains in the living room, the colour of my roomy’s hair, and the littlest things make me entirely too happy, and the past is a wonderful painting but the future is my canvass and I can’t wait to discover it because MAN it’s gonna be fun.  I’ll make sure of it.  In a giant run-on sentence.

See?  Psychotic little gushy moment of love, which I thought I’d share.

Yes, indeed, the Second Cup soy chai latte is apparently just that good.

…Second Cup should seriously sponsor my blog.