Monday, 9 May 2011

It was *that* big!

On April 18, I had the pleasure of performing in Monteral with the talented storyteller, JD Hobbes, and wicked musician Shayne Grin.  The two of them often perform together as Taelstrum  They're awesome.  It was the first show of our whirlwind cross-Canada tour, the second show being in Ottawa on May 14.  (Okay, maybe not cross-Canada. Give us time and maybe about a decade.  We'll work it.)
This is what transpired at the Montreal show.  Totally.  I'm not making anything up here 'cause I think it's funny and the photos loaded in this order. Nope.  Storyteller's word - this is all completely true.
Storytellers agreeing on stories before show.  Hobbes shakes his fist emphatically.  "This is what will happen," he says. Innocent and naive, I believe him and let him open the set.

Me smiling.  Ready for Hobbes to tell it right.  Tell it true.

See that less impressed look?  We had agreed that wasn't the story.  He's exaggerating.  He is, in fact, lying.  His hands, you see, are entirely too far apart.  It was never that big.

I go up, bravely ready to set the record straight.

Shayne, caught in a storytellers' war, feels the pain but sings through it.  Brave man.

Hobbes next.  I watch him closely.  "Tell it right," I whisper.

He brings Shayne up, giving dramatic music to his story. But it doesn't matter.  It's still not true!

"He may have exaggerated, it's the storyteller in him," I explain.  "It was actually only this big." 

Shayne is feeling the pain more now.  He wants to say I lie, but he knows better.  Yes, you heard me.  He knows better.

The audience is enraptured.  They hear the pain, and in it see truth.

But Hobbes is back. "I wasn't lying," he insists.  "Listen to me." 
"No, no, no!  Listen to me or face my karate chop of death!"

You saw where I was sitting.  Right there.  Where he's gesturing.  It's a threat, I tell you.  A threat!  To me! 

I was shocked!  It was THAT threatening! (The camera didn't capture the moment, but this is very representative.  Floating heads are my drawing specialty.)

He laughed evilly.  And his hat got bigger, and fangs, yes, fangs, began to grow.  Totally.

The audience was equally stunned and drunk!  It was shocking!

I admit it.  I caved in.  I told the story, as he wanted to tell it.  I'm not proud, people, but I did it to protect the audience. Truly, I did.

He stepped up, backing my claims.  I put on a brave face, but...  ya.  It was a LIE!
So now you're asking: What the heck is she going on about this time? I mean, seriously?  Was it THAT big??? And, for the less dirty-minded amongst you, you might still be asking what exactly was that big. I applaud those (undoubtedly few) amongst you.

If you'd like to find out the rest of this story, there's only one way.  Only one.  I will tell the entire sordid tale, with the right amount of heartbreak, fear, shock and, yes, evil storytellers wearing hats, at the Ottawa leg of our show.  See you on May 14 at Maxwell's Bistro on Elgin, 3:30 pm sharp!

... and yes, the show is kid-friendly.  So I guess it ruins THAT theory.

Thanks to the wonderful Daniel P. Kenny for the lovely pictures!