Friday, 10 June 2011

Letters with no Reply - Hallmark

I was cleaning out my really, really messy filing system, and came across a few letters that never received an answer.  Which was too bad, as I had lots of fun writing them. Oh well, at least they'll make for fun blog material, now!

This one was drafted to Hallmark, several years ago.  I lost the accompanying screenshot, which saddens me a bit.  I had e-mailed AND faxed it, to cover my bases, but never heard a peep back from the card-wielding company.  I guess they didn't have a pre-fabricated message that dealt with this particular issue.


Dear Hallmark Canada,

Let me begin by stating that I am a long-time fan of your products and services and do enjoy sharing and receiving Hallmark Moments.  I think they’re just neat and very targeted – you promise sentimental and usually the person cries nice heartfelt tears; you promise funny and guffaws of laughter echo down the hallway.

Which is why I feel it’s imperative to write to you regarding some false promises you are currently making.  It all began when my brother helped me out with various household chores and, wishing to appropriately thank him, I sent him a Hoops & YoYo card promising “a million thank yous.”  To be honest, I thought that was a lot of thank yous since I’d already given him a LEGO and bought him supper, but what the heck, a million thank yous could be the icing.

I innocently sent my brother the card.  Now, let me just state here that my brother can be obsessive.  I mean, once, when we were children, he spent days (I believe) cataloging each piece of LEGO from his collection (which was impressive then and is really impressive now.  He’s over thirty and happily married, in case you’re wondering.  I certainly would be.)  So I shouldn’t have been surprised when he left the card running on his computer to actually count out his thank yous.

Each day at the end of the day he would send me an update on the card and how many thank yous he had received thus far.  This was cute for the first three days, but on the fourth day Hoops & YoYo dared to continue thanking my brother beyond the stated million, and it just got embarrassing.  I mean, I didn’t want to thank him THAT much, so now I have to think of other chores for him to do so he can earn them, and meanwhile he’s thinking that he’s earned all those thank yous, and I don’t want him to get the wrong impression.  Thank yous don’t come freely, as I’m sure you know.

I’ve attached the screenshot he kindly sent me of the final thank yous seconds before he closed the card, finally.  As you can see, he received 10,519,023 more thank yous then intended.  I have to break it to him that I didn’t mean to send him that many.  Do you fine spreaders of good cheer have a “Thank You Retraction” card, perhaps?

Thankfully my brother and I are good friends, so I’m certain we’ll get through this hump.  But perhaps you could be more careful in future advertising.  One can only thank the man who used to lock you up in closets so much.

I hope you have a lovely day.



I can't remember what lovely thing my brother had helped me with, unfortunately.  But he was thanked for it, that I'm certain of.   We're still good friends, so we worked through this, but it was no thanks to Hallmark.