Friday, 2 September 2011

Letters with no Reply - Bell Canada

When I posted the Hallmark letter, I knew I had written a few other letters but couldn't find them. Over the weekend, I found some more and realized that wow, I may have written too many of these. They entertain me. I note that I don't write as many of them now, but instead indulge in battles with computer answering services and untrained customer service representatives. According to this letter, this wasn't always a passion of mine, but rather its shaky beginnings.

Dear Bell Canada,

Let me begin by saying: wow.  The level of innovation in your customer service and technical assistance is really quite out of the ordinary.

The whole “Create-Your-Own-Adventure” theme is really neat and unexpected!  (If you don’t know those books, you were sorely cheated in your childhood.)  I mean, at first, when a Russian-type sounding gentleman hopped onto my line and interrupted a lovely chat I was having with my brother, I must admit I was slightly taken aback.  And then when I hung up my phone and picked it up only to be serenaded by his interesting dialect again, I was surprised, but accepting.

After visiting with my brother, as I could obviously not speak with him on my phone and didn't wish to waste my precious cell phone minutes, I returned to find, with some disappointment, that my line was full of static.

But no fear – I’ve read enough Create-Your-Own-Adventure stories to know I must pick a path and follow it to a perhaps bitter end.
So, with the help of my cell, I called robot chick Emily and she transferred me to tech support (don’t you find that system just a tad freaky?  I mean, people, Asimov’s three laws of robotics should not be so lightly ignored. And I'm sure you ignored them.  But I digress and am willing to accept her as a secondary character in your little customer service quest.  Kind of like an avatar.)   (Oh, and I was calling on my cell using my very limited minutes, by the way.)

Anyhow, the tech gentleman kindly gave me another number as I am a Quebec resident – 1-866-556-8569.  I hung up and, accepting of these role-playing games, I dialed the new number (we’re now at 62 minutes on my 100 minutes a month limited cell phone plan. Just FYI).  The line connected, and the message struck a foul blow from the murky depths of the phone.... “The number you have dialed cannot be connected from your region.”

Good plot twist!  Didn’t see it coming at all!  And I read lots of fiction, and I mean weird unpredictable stuff, so kudos to you!

So I follow the path you’ve laid down at my feet.  My home number, should you care to investigate, is 819-***-****.  If I’ve reached the climax of Bell’s little Search for Technical Assistance story, then I suppose my phone line will be repaired.  Otherwise, I kindly ask you to please redirect my efforts.  I’m thinking to some company like Sprint Canada.
Though I would miss the fun...